Women Will be Women.... One Day A 54 year old lady had a heart attack & was taken to the hospital.
While on the operation, she had a near death experience.
On that Time, Seeing God she asked, "Is my Life Completed?"
God replied, "No, you have another 34 years to live."
Upon Heart Recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital & have a Face-Lift, Liposuction, & Tummy Tuck. She even changed her hair colors and style also.. Now she looks like 40 years Women..
Finally she was released from the hospital.
One day, While crossing the road on her way home, she was killed by a truck.
In Heaven, Arriving in front of God, she asked, "You said I had another 34 years to live. Why didn't you save me from the truck?"
(You'll love this)
.
.
.
.
God replied: "I Couldn't Recognize You!"
One Day A Rich man went London for Tour.. He Take a Rental Room in a 5 Star Hotel.
There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send a mail to his wife.
However, he accidentally typed the wrong email address, and without realizing, he sent the mail to a widow who has just returned from her husband's funeral.
The widow decided to check her mail, expecting condolence messages from relatives and friends.
After reading the first message she fainted.
The son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor and saw the computer screen which read : "To my loving wife, i know you are surprised to hear from me, they have computers here and we are allowed to send mails to loved ones.
I have just checked in.
How are You and the kids, The place is really nice, but am lonely here.
I have made necessary arrangement for Your arrival tomorrow. Expecting you darling. I can't wait to see you!
There are four engineers traveling in a car... A mechanical engineer, A chemical engineer, an electrical engineer and a computer engineer. One Person Said, "We build the world (Civil)
We create the magic world (CS,IT)
We connect the world (EC)
We are the powers (EE)
We move the world (Mechanical)
Proud 2 be an ENGINEER"
Suddenly, The car breaks down. “Sounds to me as if the pistons have seized. We’ll have to strip down the engine before we can get the car working again”, says the mechanical engineer.
“Well”, says the chemical engineer, “it sounded to me as if the fuel might be contaminated. I think we should clear out the fuel system.”
“I thought it might be an grounding problem”, says the electrical engineer, “or maybe a faulty plug
lead.”
They all turn to the computer engineer who has said nothing and say: “Well, what do you think?”
“Ummm – perhaps if we all get out of the car and get back in again?”
Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road?
A: What for? He can't see my license plate.
Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time?
A: The pickup truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, "Guns don't kill people. I do."
Q: When driving through fog, what should you use?
A: Your car.
Q: What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving?
A: I'd probably lose my buzz a lot faster.
Q: What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive lawfully?
A: I would be forced to drive unlawfully.
Q: What are some points to remember when passing or being passed?
A: Make eye contact and wave "hello" if he/she is cute.
Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light?
A: The color.
Q: How do you deal with heavy traffic?
A: Heavy psychedelics.
Q: What can you do to help ease a heavy traffic problem?
A: Carry loaded weapons.
Student: yes mam, I am paying as little attention as i can. !!
Teacher: who will tell the chemical formula of water?
One student: Its "h.i.j.k.l.m.n.o."
Teacher: What is this?
Student: Mam, yesterday you told us that it is H to O !!
A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a tree and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?"
She calls on little Johnny. "None, they all fly away with the first gunshot."
The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like YOUR THINKING"
Then Little Johnny says, "I have a question for YOU.
Teacher Replies, K Tell Me..
Little Johny: There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream. One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies,
"Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
"The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on........
I like YOUR THINKING"
Dispatcher: 911 What is your emergency?
Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner.
Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
Caller: No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why?
Dispatcher: 911 What is your emergency?
Caller: Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich.
Dispatcher: Excuse me?
Caller: I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it.
Dispatcher: Was anything else taken?
Caller: No, but this has happened to me before and I'm sick and tired of it!
Dispatcher: 911
Caller: Yeah, I am having trouble breathing. I am all out of breath. Darn.... I think I'm going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I am at a pay phone. North and Foster.
Dispatcher: ! Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
Caller: No
Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
Caller: Running from the Police.
Dispatcher: 911 What is the nature of your emergency?
Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
Dispatcher: Yes, mam nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I am not stupid.
Dispatcher: 911 What's the nature of your emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!
A Little boy went to a telephone booth which was at the cash counter of a store and dialed a number. The store-owner observed and listened to the conversation:
Boy: “Lady, can you give me the job of cutting your lawn?”
Woman: (at the other end of the phone line) “I already have someone to cut my lawn.”
Boy: “Lady, I will cut your lawn for half the price than the person who cuts your lawn now.”
Woman: “I’m very satisfied with the person who is presently cutting the lawn.”
Boy: (with more perseverance) “Lady, I’ll even sweep the floor and the stairs of your house for free.”
Woman: “No, thank you.”
With a smile on his face, the little boy replaced the receiver. The store-owner, who was listening to all this, walked over to the boy.
Store-owner: “Son….I like your attitude; I like that positive spirit and would like to offer you a job.”
Boy: “No thanks.”
Store-owner: “But you were really pleading for one.”
Boy: “No Sir, I was just checking my performance at the job I already have. I am the one who is working for that lady I was talking to!”
*”This is called Self Appraisal”
Give your best and the world comes to you !!!
