Very Funny Job Interview Conversation

Interviewer : Tell me about yourself.
Candidate: I am Smith. I did my Tele Communication engineering from Rolex Institute of Technology.

Interviewer : Rolex Institute of Technology? I had never heard of this college before!
Candidate : Great! Even I had not heard of it before getting an admission into it ..
What happened is – due to U18 Football world cup I scored badly! in School Level.I was getting a paid seat in a good college. But my father said “I can not invest so much of money”. So I had to join this college. Frankly speaking this name – Rolex Institute of Technology.

Interviewer: ok, ok. It seems you have taken 6 years to complete your engineering.
Candidate : Actually I tried my best to finish it in 4 years. But you know, these cricket matches and football world cup, and tennis tournaments. It is difficult to concentrate. So I flunked in 2nd and 3rd year. So in all I took 4 + 2 = 7 years.

Interviewer: But 4+2 is 6.
Candidate: Oh, is it ? You know I always had KT in maths. But I will try to keep this in mind. 4+2 is 6, good, thanks. These Football matches really affect exams a lot.. I think they should ban it .

Interviewer : Good to know that you want Football matches to be banned.
Candidate : No, no… I am talking about Exams!!

Interviewer: Ok, What is your biggest achievement in life?
Candidate : Obviously, completing my Engineering. My mom never thought I would complete it . In fact, when I flunked in 3rd year, she was looking for a job for me in BEST through some relative.

Interviewer : Do you have any plans of higher study?
Candidate: he he he.. Are you kidding? Completing ‘lower’ education it self was so much of pain!!

Interviewer : Let’s talk about technical stuff. On which platforms have you worked?
Candidate : Well, I work at SEEPZ, so you can say Lords is my current platforms. Earlier I was at Manchester. So Manchester was my platform then. As you can see I have experience of different platforms! ( Lords and Manchester are the places in UK)

Interviewer : And which languages have you used?
Candidate :  English. By the way, I can keep quiet in German, French, Russian and many other languages.

Interviewer: Why VC is better than VB?
Candidate : It is a common sense – C comes after B. So VC is a higher version than VB. I heard very soon they are coming up with a new language VD!

Interviewer: Do you know anything about Assembly Language?
Candidate: Well, I have not heard of it . But I guess, this is the language our ministers and MPs use in assembly.

Interviewer : What is your general project experience?
Candidate : My general experience about projects is – most of the times they are in pipeline!

Interviewer: Can you tell me about your current job?
Candidate: Sure, Currently I am working for Bata Info Tech ltd. Since joining BIL, I am on Bench. Before joining BIL, I used to think that Bench was another software like Windows.

Interviewer : Do you have any project management experience?
Candidate: No, but I guess it shouldn’t be difficult. I know Word and Excel. I can talk a lot. I know how to dial for International phone call and use speaker facility. And very important – I know few words like – ‘Showstoppers ‘ , ‘hot fixes’, ‘SEI-CMM’, ‘quality’, ‘version control’, ‘deadlines’ , ‘Customer Satisfaction’ etc. Also I can blame others for my mistakes!

Interviewer: What are your expectations from our company?Candidate : Not much.

1. I should at least get 5000$ in hand..
 

2. I would like to work on a live EJB project. But it should not have deadlines. I personally feel that pressure affects natural talent.
 

3. Dress Code is against basic freedom, so I would like to wear t-shirt and jeans.
 

4. We must have sat-sun off. I will suggest Wednesday off also, so as to avoid breakdown due to overwork.
 

5. I would like to go abroad 3 times a year on short term preferably 1-2 months assignments. Personally I prefer US, Australia and Europe. But considering the fact that there are Olympics coming up in China in the current year, I don’t mind going there in that period. As you can see I am modest and don’t have many expectations. So can I assume my selection?

Interviewer : he he he ha ha ha. Thanks for your interest in our
organization. In fact I was never entertained so much before. Welcome to LOGIC SOFTWARE.

Result : The fellow was appointed in a newly created section ‘Stress Management’ in the HRD of LOGIC SOFTWARE.

Very Very FUNNY STORY.... MUST READ!!

Two businessmen John & Smith were discussing their servant's foolishness.

First John

John : Hey Smith look how foolish my servant is. Just see .....

John: Jacob, plz come here.

Jacob : Yes sir.

John : Go home & check if i am home or not.And tell me quickly.

Jacob :Ok Sir. & he goes.........

Then Smith 

Smith : Oh John, this is nothing.My servant is even Nerd. A complete NooB. Just See.......

Smith : Mr Shamu, plz come here.

Shamu : Yes sir.What do u want.

Smith : Here are 2 bucks .Go & bring me a BMW car from BMW MOTORS & COMPANY. plz & thank you.

Shamu :Sure sir, I ll be back in a minute with ur Car & he goes too.........

BOTH JOHN & SMITH STARTED LAUGHING MADLY AT THIS.

Later in the evening, Jacob meets Shamu & says " My master has gone mad."

Shamu : Why what happened.

Jacob :In the morning he asked "me" to go & check if he is at home or not.Cant he just call her wife on his cellphone & check. Its so simple. But he asked me to go & check. What a waste of time.!

Shamu : Oh no Jacob ,no ,no ,no .Thats nothing. My Master is even stupid.

Jacob : Why what happened.

Shamu :In the morning, he gave me 2 bucks & asked to buy him a BMW car. That fool doesnt even know that today is Sunday & all Showrooms & shops are closed. How can i get him a car.??

Principal vs Student - Who is Smarter??

One Night, 4 Engineering Students were playing Football till late night and didn't study for the Exam which Was scheduled for the next Day.

In the morning they thought of a plan, they made themselves look as dirty and untidy as possible with grease and dirt.

They then went up to the Principal and said that they had gone out to a Sister wedding last night and on their return the Tyre of their BMW Car burst.

They had to push the car all the way back and that they were in no condition to appear for the test. So the Pricipal said they can have the re-test after 3 days, they thanked him and said they would be ready by that time.

On the third day they appeared before the Principal, the Principal said that as this was a Special Condition Test, All four were required to sit in separate classrooms for the test.

They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last 3 days.

The Test consisted of 2 questions with the total of 100 Marks.

Q.1. Your Name..........................(2 MARKS)

Q.2. Which tyre burst ?...............(98 MARKS)
    
    a) Front Left
    b) Front Right
    c) Back Left
    d) Back Right.....!!!

Man & Girl - Very Very Funny Conversation

A man and a Girl were sitting beside each other in the first class section of an airplane.
The Girl sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds.

The man went back to his reading. A few minutes later, the Girl sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, then shuddered violently once more....

Assuming that the Girl might have a cold, the man was still curious about the shuddering. A few more minutes passed when the Girl sneezed yet again. As before, she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking even more than before.

Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the Girl and said, "I couldn't help but notice that you've sneezed three times, wiped your nose and then shuddered violently. Are you OK?"

"I am sorry if I disturbed you, I have a very rare medical condition; whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm."

The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious. "I have never heard of that condition before" he said. "Are you taking anything for it?"
 
The Girl nodded, "Pepper."

Why We Live as Long as We Do...

On the first day God created the cow. God said, "You must go to the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer I will give you a life span of sixty years." The cow said, "That's a kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years.  Let me have twenty years and I'll give back the other forty." And God agreed.

On the second day, God created the dog. God said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past.  I will give you a life span of twenty years." The dog said, "That's too long to be barking.  Give me ten years and I'll give back the other ten." So God agreed (sigh).

On the third day God created the monkey.  God said, "Entertain people, do monkey tricks, make them laugh.  I'll give you a twenty year life span." The monkey said, "How boring, monkey tricks for twenty years?  I don't think so.  Dog gave you back ten, so that's what I'll do too, okay?" And God agreed again.
 
On the fourth day God created man.  God said, "Eat, sleep, play.  Do nothing, just enjoy, enjoy.  I'll give you twenty years." Man said, "What? Why Only twenty years?  No way! Tell you what, I'll take my twenty, and the forty cow gave back, and the ten dog gave back and the ten monkey gave back. That makes eighty, okay?" "Okay," said God. "You've got a deal."

So this is why for the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play, enjoy, and do nothing;

for the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family;

for the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain our grandchildren;

& for the last ten years we sit in front of the house and bark at everybody.

Honey, What's for Dinner

A man feared his wife wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he  thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem. 

The Doctor told  him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.

Here's what you do," said the Doctor, "stand about 40 feet away from  her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you.

If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and s o on until you get a  response."

That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in  the den. He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens."

Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?"

No response.

So the husband moves to closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his  wife and repeats, "Honey, what's for dinner?"

Still no response.

Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his  wife and asks, Honey, what's for dinner?"

Again he gets no response so,

He walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for  dinner?"

Again there is no response.

So he walks right up behind her. "Honey, what's for dinner?"
.
.
.
.
.
"Smith, for the FIFTH time I've said, CHICKEN!"

Moral of the story:

The problem may not be with the other one as we always think, could be very much within us..!

Very Funny Joke - John in THERE

A 35 year woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work in London. Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bed room closet to watch. The woman’s husband also comes home at the same time. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.

The little boy says, “John in here.”
The man says, “Yes, it is”
Boy ” I have a baseball.”
Man “That’s nice”
Boy “Want to buy it?”
Man “No, thanks”
Boy “My dad/s outside…”
Man “O.K. – How much?”
Boy “$250?

In a few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together because woman's husband also came home at the same time.

Boy “John in here”
Man “ Yes, it is.”
Boy “I have a baseball glove”
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy,
“How much?”
Boy “$750?
Man “Sold!”
 
A few days later the father says to the boy, “Grab your glove, let’s go outside and play a game of catch.The boy says, “I can’t, I sold my baseball and my glove.” The father asks, “How much did you sell them for?” Boy ” $ 1,000? The father says, “That’s terrible to overcharge your friends like that… that is way more than those two things cost. I’m going to take you to church and make you confess.”

They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door. The boy says, “John in here”. The priest says, “Don’t start that shit again, you’re in my closet now.”